In her essential new book, Talking on Eggshells: Soft Skills for Hard Conversations, Sam Horn shares a story about a man whose mother had been in a rest home for three years. He used to dread driving out to see her because all she ever did was complain. Mom’s favorite topics included her roommate (who blared the TV night and day), how no one came to see her, and her numerous aches and pains.
But then one day the son asked himself, “How would I feel if I were stuck in bed eighteen hours a day, seven days a week?” As he tuned in empathetically to his mom’s predicament, he realized that the least he could do was spend time with her on Saturdays and be more supportive. It also occurred to him that she complained all the time because she didn’t have anything else to talk about. So on his next visit, he took a photo album with him. One pic of a crazy uncle had them laughing so hard they couldn’t stop. Another, of their mountain cabin, brought back a host of memories. Now each week he brings a ‘prop’ to stimulate conversation – which helps his mom rediscover happiness through reliving good memories.
This is an example of what the author calls proactive grace, a term she defines as “being resourceful on behalf of a situation and taking the initiative to envision and introduce a new dynamic that creates a better outcome for all involved.” She explains that by asking, “How can I be a force for good in this situation?” we can find the incentive and impetus to get creative and make a real difference.
Soon the Moon will be full in Capricorn, sign of age and wisdom (July 3, 4:38 a.m. PDT). It’s a good time to honor the people, places and institutions we respect, that bring stability and grounding to our lives. As it opposes the Moon, the Sun joins Mercury in Cancer, intensifying memories, family issues and past behaviors. Since Cancer is a “mute” sign, it will be important to read the emotional subtext beneath any puzzling behaviors. As Moon, Sun and Mercury are supported by Saturn in Pisces and Jupiter in Taurus, our watery emotions (Cancer, Pisces) are anchored by earthy traditions (Taurus, Capricorn). Empathy comes from putting ourselves in another’s place; we can then take practical action toward a goal.
This Full Moon happens on a Monday, and Tuesday is Independence Day in the U.S. Many will be celebrating on the Saturday and Sunday beforehand. And that weekend (July 1-2) is enlivened by a square from Venus in fun-loving Leo to Uranus in intractable Taurus. Add to that a culminating Full Moon, and things could be a bit unpredictable. Venus-Uranus is a freedom aspect; for some that could look like breaking free from norms, partying too hard, or letting their freak flag fly. Since Saturn is the Moon’s dispositor, however, it’s wise to strike a balance between rule-breaking and boundary-setting. Workable solutions are readily available, in family situations as well as business concerns (Capricorn) vs. personal matters (Cancer). The key is to be patient, and do your best to not take things personally.
What are your plans for the Fourth of July weekend? Is there an aging family member who could use a friendly visit? Lending your ear may be all that’s needed, or doing a practical chore such as cleaning the house or making a meal before watching fireworks. Like Sam Horn’s friend did, you may want to peruse an old photo album together that brings back good memories. And if it’s you who needs a little comfort right now, don’t stuff those feelings down and put on a stiff upper lip (which Capricorn is famous for). Call a friend or relative for support. No matter what’s up for you at this Full Moon, lean into empathy and cultivate proactive grace. Even your smallest efforts can make a big difference for someone else.
Very good column, Simone! Full of Cancer-Capricorn wisdom. Thanks.
Thanks dear one – so glad you enjoyed it! Happy Full Moon…
Love this Simone…and on way to see my sweet Cancer Dad for his 90th so will need to gather some good family photos so we can stimulate his memory and have some good laughs!! And Happy early Bday to You!
Ah yes, how perfect this Full Moon energy is for you my dear! Great idea to round up some family photos to entertain him with. And thanks for the early BD wishes! Love you…
Simone, Thank you so much! This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I’ve been struggling with taking something personal that I client said and you gave me permission to let it go. You make a difference with each column you write. Just needed to let you know you are loved and appreciated.
Could you say more about Cancer being a “mute” sign? I have studied astrology for decades and have never run across that idea. It sounds intriguing.
Hi Diana,
This comes from traditional astrology. Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces were dubbed “mute” signs by the Arabians because they are symbolized by creatures that emit no sounds (crab, scorpion, fish). I think it’s a reflection of how the water signs have such depth and much goes on inwardly that isn’t expressed in words.
Cheers, Simone
Wondering where the wedding is on Monday night? My daughter is coordinating one her in San Diego that night.
The wedding is on Saturday evening at the Darlington House in La Jolla. A good time for weddings, it seems!
Glad to hear that this one hit home with you, Leah dear! So grateful you took the time to send me a little love and gratitude. I too had something happen recently that I took rather personally, so I’m going to listen to my own advice and let it go! Hugs, S
Love your stories. Thank you fir sharing. Enjoy the wedding
Thanks Brenda! And yes I intend to fully enjoy the wedding! Happy Full Moon…
Beautiful writing full of “the human touch” because that’s what we are and where we struggle
the most!
Much gratitude and love to you xx
You’re so welcome, Stella! And thanks for letting me know you appreciated it. Happy Full Moon!
The photo album suggestion is excellent. My mother in law loved this when we visited her in the nursing home. I agree with the whole theme of proactive grace. Listening and empathy are truly the key.
As far as where we are right now astrologically,
my husband and I are celebrating our 28th anniversary today and we both have moon in Capricorn. We have written a book together on aging with hopefully some wisdom included, which seems like a Capricorn moon inspired pursuit. Therefore, my sister gave me the task of talking to my Mom about her wishes for celebration of life after her passing ( not for a long time, hopefully) and that has been on my mind.
Thanks for always a thought provoking blog.
You are a gifted astrologer and writer, Simone.
Thanks so much, Lisa! Happy anniversary to you…interesting you both have Moon in Cap at this FM. Many blessings…