At the age of 86, my dad was in so much pain he could barely walk. Soon after I moved in to care for him, he collapsed trying to get out of bed. By afternoon he was in hospice. The moment he realized the fight was over, my warrior father fixed me with a teary eye and said through trembling lips, “You’re in charge now.” He soon lost consciousness and slipped into the next realm.
Dad’s last words have haunted me ever since. How, exactly, was I to take charge? By denying my needs and toughing it out, as he had done? Being more comfortable in the inner world than the outer world, I’ve never been good at taking care of business. I’d rather lose myself in creating a collage than hammer out a five-year plan. This aversion to life’s practicalities has cost me financially. Dad, with his Leo Sun conjunct Neptune, was also a creative sort. But he pushed aside his artistic aspirations for a career in real estate, where he felt he stood a better chance of making money. Though he understood the field and did well for a while, it turned out Dad was not much of a businessman. He was forever telling potential buyers what was wrong with the homes. He was, at essence, a Neptunian type – an artist and a dreamer. Likely that’s why he fought so hard to stamp out my own Sun square Neptune proclivities. I don’t know what we would have done without my practical Virgo mom and her steady secretarial job.
With Neptune, the Pisces ruler, so prominent in our charts, Dad and I both wrangled with questions like: Is it necessary to sacrifice your dream to make a good living? Is it possible to feed your hunger for an inward life and also find a sense of purpose in the world? These kinds of questions still keep me up at night – especially at this time of year, when the practical Virgo Sun opposes the spiritual Pisces Moon.
The physical and the spiritual were not always at odds. There was a time in the dim recesses of the past when we lived closer to the gods of nature, and the two worlds were one. But since then, the seemingly contradictory nature of these two realms has confounded us. Few people are comfortable relating consciously to their practical and spiritual nature at the same time. But this weekend, we may receive a glimpse of insight that helps bridge the gap.
At Sunday’s Pisces Full Moon (August 26, 4:56 a.m. PDT) the Sun, newly in Virgo, makes a beautiful grand earth trine with Saturn and Uranus, restoring a bit of order and meaning to our recently discombobulated lives. Yet this Full Moon is also a prompt to peer beneath the surface to the hidden depths below. It asks you to look at the ways in which you feel victimized, to see if you’re tolerating things that are no longer acceptable – within yourself or the world. There is an unsettling aspect to this lunation, not only because the Moon is in slippery Pisces. The same day, Venus in fair-minded Libra squares Pluto in hard-line Capricorn. Nothing less than total transparency will do. We need to root out whatever has been holding us back, and to balance our vision with down-to-earth plans. It’s time to reawaken our spiritual powers and to implement a new path that preserves our sweet Earth.
Dear Simone,
I always find your blog engaging and thought provoking, this one though took my breath away. What a beautiful and deeply insightful story you shared here. I think this is one of the best gifts we can give our children, family and friends in their moment of doubt. Go for it! You will figure it out along the way, the key is to move towards fulfilling the gifts that you were brought here to share and the rest will take care of itself. Even the old 5 year old plan! I like ‘feeiing into mine” with creative images and joy, and oddly it always pans out in unexpected ways. Let the Universe handle the details – just show up. As always thank you for your wise woman sharing! xoxo
Thanks Tina! Glad it resonated. Happy Full Moon…
You are so wonderful inside out. Thank you for sharing your picture and story with your dad. Honest and deep. Stunning then and now! So much Love xooxox
Bless you, Francesca. Much love…
Simone,
I always look forward to you.
Thanks,
Jo Ann
You’re so welcome, Jo Ann!
I always look forward to your posts, and this one was magical. You and your dad mirror me and mine. Thank you for the reminder. You’re doing great work.
Thanks so much, Stavroula. I think a lot of us have complicated relationships with our dads on this level. They want what’s best for us but often go about it in a way that’s quite hurtful. Many blessings to you…
Very helpful for insight into where I’m at and what I’m feeling right now. Always struggled with my spiritual and idealistic proclivities versus my practical approach to “making a living”. Seems that as I age, it becomes clearer that living my truth has always allowed the universe to provide what I need.
Glad it spoke to you, Josephine. I’ve been reading a book called Money and the Meaning of Life as part of a book club discussion, which actually spurred this post. You might find it interesting…
Another inspiring post, Simone. I love the story about you and your father since so many of us have experienced (or are experiencing) similar situations. I am hopeful about this new moon as it comes at a time when I am also seeking that balance between practical and creative, responsibility vs risk-taking. Blessings to you.
Blessings to you too, Mikey! And I do hope this Full Moon brings you more balance. Glad you liked the essay. It was obviously close to my heart!
Dear Simone, I love your Dad! and he so loved you. His real estate ways crack me up – I relate totally!
Concern with purpose is a relatively new concept born of conditioning,
religious and new-age, serving only to weaken the individual.
Take care of your own world and the world will take care of itself.
Isn’t this what spirituality is all about.
Thank you for your unique and precious offerings.
Come visit me in the desert this winter – got a cozy trailer!
You’re so welcome, Constance! Would be great to see you…thanks for the invite and we’ll see how things go!
Wow this is a good one!!! Thanks Simone for the story and looking into a new path!!!
Thanks Marsha! 🙂
Can resonate with what you and your father experienced together. Myself, I am creative and naturally can do art but when you dream and create idealistic ideas or envision it vs hustling to live averagely and are independent and support yourself and your family when in need then sometimes you end up dreaming and wondering
Glad you could relate! Happy Full Moon…