When my mother died in the spring of 2005, I was inconsolable. My pain was an ocean too deep to be fathomed. Not only was I grieving the person I loved most in the world, but I was overwhelmed by my father’s pain and the hurtful ways he was expressing it.
Then one day our family minister, who was privy to what was going on, said something that made all the difference: “It’s so hard to watch you suffer. I wish that I could take it away.” And all at once I felt truly seen. The burden was lifted. Not entirely, for as anyone who has lost a loved one can attest, you never fully get over it. But the pastor’s kindness made me realize that it was okay to feel my sorrow and rage. I didn’t need to minimize it or rise above it. Once I gave myself permission to feel what I was feeling, my body and mind began to relax. As I accepted what I was going through, it got a bit easier. The grieving process was still tough, but at the worst moments I knew I could sit with what I was feeling, in the exact state of mind I was in, and experience being held in the arms of the Mother.
My experience was Scorpionic: Going to the depths and surrendering to them. But it was also Taurean: Coming into my body and finding pleasure. This axis is highlighted as the Moon in Scorpio opposes the Sun in Taurus at the Scorpio Full Moon (Monday, April 26, 8:32 p.m. PDT). Now we’re being reminded that everything passes, and to enjoy life’s simple pleasures anyway. Traditional astrology holds that the Moon performs poorly in Scorpio, whether in a natal chart or by transit. But I think of this Moon differently. It’s a deep, emotional energy that’s ripe with primal desires. Such impulses have been repressed for centuries, especially in women, and can feel dark or scary. But it’s necessary and cathartic to feel them, because doing so allows access to the dark womb-space from which new life springs.
The first of only two Supermoons this year (the next one is in May), Monday night’s Full Moon should be a spectacular sight. Known as the Super Pink Moon, in honor of the creeping phlox which blooms in spring, this lunation will be 7 percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than usual. Astrologically, this Full Moon really stirs things up, with the Taurus Sun conjunct Uranus. There are actually four fixed, determined planets in Taurus – including sensual Venus and inquisitive Mercury. Awakener Uranus is halfway through his seven-year mission to shake things up and re-enliven our planet. His prominence at this Full Moon may produce shock-waves, as the Earth accelerates her demand for change. The Saturn-Uranus square is also at play. Since it began heating up in Jan. (it completes in Dec.), we’ve seen a chaotic clash between old and new, conservative and liberal, lockdown and freedom, as these very different energies struggle to find common ground.
There is much to grieve, feel and release at this Full Moon – and also much to celebrate. Spring is here in the Northern Hemisphere, and life is bursting out all over! Simple pleasures are at hand – but so is death and decay. Listen for messages from the Scorpio Goddess of transformation about your role in helping our Earth Mama (and our human tribe) shake off the burdens of the past and renew life. With so many planets in Taurus now, messages may come from nature, whether the splendid Full Moon herself, a special tree or rock, or a totem animal. Nature divination can be as simple as choosing a rock that calls to you, asking a question and looking for images on its surface, or doing the same with a favorite tree and finding answers in its gnarled bark. Trust your instincts. If you’re grieving, let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling. No matter what’s happening in the outer realm, try to stay firmly anchored to the deeper love within that gives you protection – and reminds you that you’re never alone.